I've never been a blogger, but I just wanted an outlet to write some thoughts down. So here it goes:
I've been thinking a lot about two things lately: forgiveness - that one principle we're taught in Kindergarten but never master - and cliches.
The past few months of my life have been very difficult. No need to go into specific details, but most everything that could go wrong did. My love life tanked, I dreaded school, people were spreading false rumors about me, and several people who I had trusted and had always been kind to turned their backs on me.
I felt really, really alone and was just sick of my day-to-day life.
But if there's anything I've learned in the past few months, it's that cliches are cliches for a reason i.e. "it's always darkest before the dawn."
Life has definitely gotten much better.
For a while though, I was harboring a lot of resentment and anger towards several people. I was angry at the people spreading false gossip, angry at the people who stabbed me in the back, angry at the people who were dishonest, and angry at the people who were fair-weather friends. The phrase "carrying a grudge" began to make a lot of sense to me because I was carrying this huge ball of negativity, and the longer I carried it, the heavier it got. I began to become someone that wasn't me because I was letting my anger run wild; I began to root for my enemies' failures because I let my anger take control. I didn't like it, but I still didn't let go. But then I finally made an amazing realization:
Being angry at people is so exhausting, and I'm sick of it.
I finally realized that when I had to interact very closely with one of the people I was particularly angry at. Obviously I planned to be nice, but that didn't stop my angry thoughts and vibes from bubbling inside me. But, surprisingly, we got along very well. In fact, I found out that I was actually having a good time with her. For a brief moment, I decided I'd forget everything that happened and move on, and it instantly felt like someone had taken a 50 pound weight off of my shoulders; I felt so much happier, and at peace. I realized that I had wanted to forgive her for a long time, and that I was sick of viewing her as a one-dimensional villain; I just wanted to put it behind me.
I believe that's what we all want deep down because it takes so much emotional energy to be angry at someone, and once you let it go, you feel so much freer, and can channel your energy towards something that's actually creative and worthwhile.
The sad thing is, I've watched people that mean a lot to me let their anger rule their lives because they never realized the power in moving on. They can't get past the way that they were hurt and so they live their lives hating people and using that hate as a crutch. It's heartbreaking, but a person's hatred is like a disease and they're the only doctor to cure it.
Now obviously it's not so simple. I wish I could say that I've easily forgiven every person that helped contribute to a nightmarish September and October, but I'd be lying. Forgiveness is a process, and I'm no angel. I'm still working on it. Some days I feel no resentment at all, and others I get easily triggered and vent about my anger to any best friend or family member who will give me the time of day.
My advice would be to not rush the process. Some cuts are deeper than others, and if you prematurely tell yourself that you've moved on and have forgiven certain people...you could be suppressing your emotions and stunting progression (take it from someone who's been there.) Don't suppress your feelings because they are more than likely legitimate. But after you feel those feelings, then it's time to move on. And moving on requires an active choice to do so. Recognize it will take time, but also do your best to banish feelings of negativity.
My favorite way to let go of the negativity is by being genuinely kind to the people I don't like - again, "kill 'em with kindness." It's definitely a cliche, and a mediocre-at-best song (just my opinion...sorry, Selena Gomez), but the principle is completely valid. When you make that effort to be kind, not only are you sending the message that it's not worth your time to be angry, but you're also lifting that 50 pound weight off your shoulders. And when you're kind to that person you want to be kind to the least, they don't know what to do with themselves. It's actually kind of funny to watch their reactions. Suddenly, they feel guilty and bad for pain they may have caused you, and they start to want to let go of their anger too. Obviously, it doesn't always work out that way, and some people will still be jerks no matter how good you are to them, but be kind anyway.
You can't change the person who wronged you - what they did won't change, and the pain they caused won't either. But, you do have the power to be the bigger person and move on. Anyways, those are my thoughts. Peace and blessings.
- Jesse
I've been thinking a lot about two things lately: forgiveness - that one principle we're taught in Kindergarten but never master - and cliches.
The past few months of my life have been very difficult. No need to go into specific details, but most everything that could go wrong did. My love life tanked, I dreaded school, people were spreading false rumors about me, and several people who I had trusted and had always been kind to turned their backs on me.
I felt really, really alone and was just sick of my day-to-day life.
But if there's anything I've learned in the past few months, it's that cliches are cliches for a reason i.e. "it's always darkest before the dawn."
Life has definitely gotten much better.
For a while though, I was harboring a lot of resentment and anger towards several people. I was angry at the people spreading false gossip, angry at the people who stabbed me in the back, angry at the people who were dishonest, and angry at the people who were fair-weather friends. The phrase "carrying a grudge" began to make a lot of sense to me because I was carrying this huge ball of negativity, and the longer I carried it, the heavier it got. I began to become someone that wasn't me because I was letting my anger run wild; I began to root for my enemies' failures because I let my anger take control. I didn't like it, but I still didn't let go. But then I finally made an amazing realization:
Being angry at people is so exhausting, and I'm sick of it.
I finally realized that when I had to interact very closely with one of the people I was particularly angry at. Obviously I planned to be nice, but that didn't stop my angry thoughts and vibes from bubbling inside me. But, surprisingly, we got along very well. In fact, I found out that I was actually having a good time with her. For a brief moment, I decided I'd forget everything that happened and move on, and it instantly felt like someone had taken a 50 pound weight off of my shoulders; I felt so much happier, and at peace. I realized that I had wanted to forgive her for a long time, and that I was sick of viewing her as a one-dimensional villain; I just wanted to put it behind me.
I believe that's what we all want deep down because it takes so much emotional energy to be angry at someone, and once you let it go, you feel so much freer, and can channel your energy towards something that's actually creative and worthwhile.
The sad thing is, I've watched people that mean a lot to me let their anger rule their lives because they never realized the power in moving on. They can't get past the way that they were hurt and so they live their lives hating people and using that hate as a crutch. It's heartbreaking, but a person's hatred is like a disease and they're the only doctor to cure it.
Now obviously it's not so simple. I wish I could say that I've easily forgiven every person that helped contribute to a nightmarish September and October, but I'd be lying. Forgiveness is a process, and I'm no angel. I'm still working on it. Some days I feel no resentment at all, and others I get easily triggered and vent about my anger to any best friend or family member who will give me the time of day.
My advice would be to not rush the process. Some cuts are deeper than others, and if you prematurely tell yourself that you've moved on and have forgiven certain people...you could be suppressing your emotions and stunting progression (take it from someone who's been there.) Don't suppress your feelings because they are more than likely legitimate. But after you feel those feelings, then it's time to move on. And moving on requires an active choice to do so. Recognize it will take time, but also do your best to banish feelings of negativity.
My favorite way to let go of the negativity is by being genuinely kind to the people I don't like - again, "kill 'em with kindness." It's definitely a cliche, and a mediocre-at-best song (just my opinion...sorry, Selena Gomez), but the principle is completely valid. When you make that effort to be kind, not only are you sending the message that it's not worth your time to be angry, but you're also lifting that 50 pound weight off your shoulders. And when you're kind to that person you want to be kind to the least, they don't know what to do with themselves. It's actually kind of funny to watch their reactions. Suddenly, they feel guilty and bad for pain they may have caused you, and they start to want to let go of their anger too. Obviously, it doesn't always work out that way, and some people will still be jerks no matter how good you are to them, but be kind anyway.
You can't change the person who wronged you - what they did won't change, and the pain they caused won't either. But, you do have the power to be the bigger person and move on. Anyways, those are my thoughts. Peace and blessings.
- Jesse
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